Just some lyrics I'm kicking around.

I haven't been able to write for some time. But I randomly woke up at 4am without a voice and this melody was in my head so I tried to write up something. So here it is.




A nights sleep
Some calm sheep
The fence broken and laying weak

A small crowd
A soft sound
Can they sense that somebody else is gone

The sunset is bleeding color
Has it come to this
Off white is too familiar
This night has come to an end


What kind of love have you shown
No one else seems alone

A stumble turns to a crawl
You left me in a whole
different state

You've left your grace at home
I see your smirk thats shown
The knife is pulled from my back
No one else seems alone

Numb

I've been blinded by mediocrity
Lying in a fairytale life that has lead me nowhere
I've been seeking clarity
But I'm missing the piece that completes the puzzle

My God, my God, where am I going
The next step is just behind the curtain
My Lord, my Lord, what is the meaning
I can't seem to find this desire of my heart

A promise is made and I know it is true
But I can't seem to take my eyes off of you
A yearning for love is a bitter mistake
And a lust for another is a foundation of salt

Loneliness overwhelms my spirit
I want to let go, I want to move on
But I'm chained to this misery I can't seem to break through

Oh the embarassment...

Passing through late night rabbit-ear television can either frustrate you or entertain you, making you feel like a complete waste of life. Passing through the six (yes, six) "Christian" stations, there was a "Christian stand-up comedian". Now yes, Christian media is about 95% unbearable, but being the gluten for punishment that I am I decided to watch this abomination unfold before my eyes.

There were numerous "OH HEHE HE IS TALKING ABOUT PASTORS HEHEHE" jokes. Then he started talking about how people often say "I like my church because of the music", which means the preaching sucks, and vice versa. Then he says (in a mocking voice) "And you know those people that say 'I like my church because I can dress how I want to dress, and be who I want to be', well you're not in a church, you're in a bar!" ...and the crowd bursts into laughter.

The part that really bothered me about that incredibly unfunny joke was that the last part. Now, I've been to a few bars in my lifetime, and it's really true. Going into a bar you are (usually) immediately greeted by someone who actually wants to know you, and have a conversation with you. Why? Who knows, but dadgummit, they are the friendliest people you can meet.

Hearing the audience in the show react the way they did to his unfunny joke really got under my skin. An audience of dead Christians laughing at the awkwardness of how uncomfortable they make non-believers. Good for you, you just shoved someone right out the doors. It's you people who are to blame for the hundreds of years of this traditional bull thats molded modern "christianity" into what it is today. A faith that you lack the knowledge of that you pour your time into for no reason, yet feel like you're too good to talk to the outside world. Good job guys, I applaud you for your boldness.

You know what? Maybe if these people who think the jokes were so funny would actually get the people in the bars into their church, it wouldn't be so uncomfortable. The people from the bar would act the same way at your church as they would when you enter their bar, greeting and getting to know you. But oh, no, you need the awkward ***"HEY MY NAMES SO-AND-SO I PROBABLY WONT REMEMBER YOU'RE NAME" greeter, you guys are too good for making someone feel welcome, you need the comfort of feeling superior to the guy who's going to hell.

So, why am I blogging this? Who knows. It just amazes me the ignorance of modern day Christians. Yes, I fail miserably at my walk with my Father, but God knows I will at least try to fix a problem I've caused if someone calls me out on it. I pray that people will wake up. I know not everyone will, but maybe one person will just start a chain reaction and finally break this superiority complex that people tend to have.

Good night.

***Yes that happened to me, and that exact comment made me never visit the church again.

I'm going to hell, yaaaay!

So yesterday at work, this middle aged, overweight, highly effeminate creepy man came in and ordered a cherry, blueberry, strawberry and orange smoothie. I couldn't tell if he was gay or mentally off, it was really hard to tell. Well, he sat down and started drinking his smoothie saying how delicious it was continually, then asking a bunch of odd questions. Asking me how old I thought he was, how old I was etc. etc. He starts to tell me all these stories of himself growing up for about 20 minutes. Then the fun stuff came.

I was studying up on compassion for a message I want to speak that morning, about how we have arguments in our heads before we actually go out and act. So, me trying to follow my own lesson, I ask if he goes to church anywhere. He says "Oh I haven't been recently but I go to the blablabla church down such and such road allllll the way across the street from blabla(way too much information.)" So I go, oh that's cool man, we just started a church about 5 months ago, so it'd be cool if you want to check us out. While I was saying this he was snarling his nose and not looking me in the eye. Then he goes "you're probably a trinitist." I respond... "what?" "You believe in the trinity, and that's wrong. the only time they mention the trinity in the bible is after the disciples died. The only way you get to heaven is through the holy ghost and baptism."

Now, if you guys know me, I don't mind discussion about a subject, but when it turns into a blatant pissing contest, with me not even trying to piss back, I get extremely agitated.

He goes on about this literally for an hour, with me asking different questions to prove my point, and he's the only one talking pretty much. After that hour, and him repeating himself, I say "Sir, I don't mind discussion, and I don't want to disrespect you, but you're ramming your point in to my throat and it's getting a little annoying, let's agree to disagree" He goes "It's not a point, it's the BIBLE." Then starts rambling some more and I interrupt him, "Sir, you're about to make me be disrespectful, I don't mind you trying to share your points, but you're not sharing it in a loving way at all, its very rude." So he backs off and sits down.

After that a few customers came in and out, and then he started just talking about the old testament and different facts about it, like how the dinosaur was mentioned in the bible and we just talked about random facts. It turned out fine, but holy crap! He came in at 2:30 and left at 5:00, and the only reason he left is because Tim felt bad for me and drove him home (thank you, Tim.)

I could write about 5 more paragraphs of all the stuff he was saying and pretty much his entire life story, but I won't bore you with that.

It's just funny how God shows you things right as you're studying about them.

Oh the lessons to be learned

When I was little, my mom would only let me have one Fruit Roll-up a day. And by golly, I've always dreamed of the day that I could have more than one. So dadgummit, I bought a box of them tonight and I feel like I'm about to poo and vomit at the same time.

So kids, listen to your parents.