Sunday, April 7, 2013

Struggles and insecurities

Tonight I was baptized. A public profession of my faith, something I've done before, but I was too young to understand what I was doing. I was nine or ten the first time, and basically I was doing it because I was told to and I wanted to be praised by my parents and get attention. I wasn't even a follower of Christ. Well, God I apologize for my foolishness as a child, I didn't really know any better.

It was definitely different tonight and 100% for God, but in the back of my head I'm struggling with other things. I wanted to proclaim my God is with me, but at the same time my brain is throwing me on a different path. I am so self conscious in everything I do and I invest my intentions and thoughts into something that I shouldn't, to the point of being physically stressed out.

I want to apologize to everyone, I want to be Christ like, but I get too wrapped up in myself. I really don't want to be in a bad mood, but sometimes I cannot help it. So please forgive me guys.

I just wish God could slap me in the face and yell at me when I'm about to do something foolish, or reveal to me what I'm about to do is going to hurt more than what I expect. I guess that's my pride getting in the way, even when I really thought I was being sincere and doing the right thing. Maybe it's just life and encouragement to seek God 20 million times harder before I make a decision.

Well, again, I apologize to any of you friends that I've hurt recently.

With love,

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