Tuesday, April 23, 2013


How many times have you experienced joy or excitement for something that you think is going to happen and it falls through?   Not just petty things like a new album from your favorite band coming out, then cancelled, or going to a restaurant you've planned on going to, only when you arrive they're already closed.
I'm meaning life-long goals, yearnings, things that you think God are showing you, yet they suddenly just up and leave you flat on your face.

I will admit, I am extremely excitable over things,  maybe that is my main problem.
The second most discouraging thing I've experienced lately is the fact that I've been wanting to go to school for a while, everything looked like it was about to happen, then... nope.  I try to pray through everything but it hasn't really given me much comfort lately.  In fact I've been ridiculously depressed these last few weeks.

God's got me at a spot that is really low.  No job offers or call backs, I'm barely getting by on things. The Mission is a great job, but it's just not cutting it financially.  I'm fine and dandy, but dadgummit is it easy to fall back into the "woe is me" mentality.

I would love to say all of my joy comes from the Lord, but when you feel like things are happening after asking Him if it's the right thing, things build up and then it does a ninja spin kick to the knees.

Bleh, without failure you can't grow, but I want to freaking grow already.

1 comment:

  1. Ahh Jeff know that I am praying for you (for real, not just saying that). I felt that way when I felt sure that God was going to send me to Africa for a year after college and then two weeks before I was to leave, the door slammed in my face. Sometimes, God says no to things that seem like really good God things. In that same time, I was constantly searching for God's will for my life -- a 20 year plan -- what was I supposed to do next? And it took me a REALLY long time to realize that the plan was to serve Him. To tell people about the Gospel, as cheesy as that sounds. Every day. That's the plan. I know it feels defeating sometimes, but trust me, God hasn't walked off. He's still guiding you. Unfortunately, walking by faith means we usually don't get to see where we are going.